Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Adventures In Recruiting: Another Cover Letter Worth Sharing; A Good Laugh

The other morning I came in to find this letter in my inbox.  All I can say is, “Huh?” 

This is it in its entirety, exactly as writter; there was no salutation. Typos are his - or hers. I have no idea who sent this.  He or she actually signed this letter with an initial so I had to respond with  “Dear E.”  
My original academic major was psychology before switching to journalism. I travelled through Asia, Eastern Europe and Latin America exploring cultural archetypes, -2°C January isotherm of the "vodka belt" and people—not in the demographic sense, but as flesh-and-bones individuals. I learned the advertising business from the client side working for consulting companies. Inter alia, I had to accompany clients to pre-production meetings and help execs to come up with their own suggestions. 

This industry is undergoing a radical change that will be called the Interactive Revolution—in my opinion, the real golden age of American advertising. As of now, its old model has become what the Bavarians term as Krampfhenne, a pattering headless chicken. Meanwhile, the new model is still breaking its eggshell: spam hijacked 40% of US e-mails but failed to ignite the penis-enlarging trendemic in America. At the same time, decades of force-feeding through the TV-tube begot the super-cynic consumer that won't believe any superiority claims. Advertising idea men search for ways to move this industry beyond its standard practices and deflect their clients from unwinnable price wars.  

My experience in strategic consulting and alternative media helped me to come up with a number of insights in mobile marketing and branded entertainment. Just as important, I am that labor-addicted "lonely man" Leo talked about. I can live off the stress, beat "first-thing-in-the-morning" deadlines and work outside of my work description: studying the specialty brand that wants to become a mainstream success—identifying its USP je ne sais quoi—staring at a blank page until it emits Big Idea blueprints—producing a sales spike that becomes a media case study and collecting real advertising awards—imitators from rival agencies. 

Please let me know if you would like to look at my creative portfolio. 

With best personal regards, 


The consensus is that E. was/is a writer, which makes this cover note all the more amusing.  Can anyone tell me what he/she was talking about?


  1. He had me at "the penis-enlarging trendemic in America."

  2. I think this person might have a career writing for The Onion, except that I'm not sure they realize they're being funny.

  3. super curious to know how you replied. best, pk

    1. I wrote back, "Dear E: I don't know who you are or what you do and cannot determine what you want from your unintelligible cover letter." He sent me a link to a website where his resume was posted. The site was equally absurd, but I did determine that E was Edward. I simply told him I could not help him.

  4. Sounds like a deadbeat bulls**t artist I did some "business" with. Hey, is that you Eric? :)

  5. Without understanding anything he wrote there was a blatant resentment for at least a half dozen professions, industries, and whole classes of people. He is clearly compensating for something. Narcissistic. Yes. Inflated sense of self. Way yes. No surprise here he is looking for a job.

    1. @Anon: You are absolutely right. His attitude shines through the bad rhetoric.

  6. This individual is suffering from some form of mental illness. The ramblings and disjointed ideas are clearly a symptom of schizophrenia.


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