The other morning I came in
to find this letter in my inbox. All I
can say is, “Huh?”
This is it in its entirety, exactly as writter; there was no salutation. Typos are his - or hers. I have no idea who sent this. He or she actually signed this letter with an initial so I had to respond with “Dear E.”
This is it in its entirety, exactly as writter; there was no salutation. Typos are his - or hers. I have no idea who sent this. He or she actually signed this letter with an initial so I had to respond with “Dear E.”
My
original academic major was psychology before switching to journalism. I
travelled through Asia, Eastern Europe and Latin America exploring cultural
archetypes, -2°C January isotherm of the "vodka belt" and people—not
in the demographic sense, but as flesh-and-bones individuals. I learned the
advertising business from the client side working for consulting companies.
Inter alia, I had to accompany clients to pre-production meetings and help
execs to come up with their own
suggestions.
This
industry is undergoing a radical change that will be called the Interactive
Revolution—in my opinion, the real golden age of American advertising. As of
now, its old model has become what the Bavarians term as Krampfhenne, a pattering headless
chicken. Meanwhile, the new model is still breaking its eggshell: spam hijacked
40% of US e-mails but failed to ignite the penis-enlarging trendemic in
America. At the same time, decades of force-feeding through the TV-tube begot
the super-cynic consumer that won't believe any superiority claims. Advertising
idea men search for ways to move this industry beyond its standard practices
and deflect their clients from unwinnable price wars.
My
experience in strategic consulting and alternative media helped me to come up
with a number of insights in mobile marketing and branded entertainment. Just
as important, I am that labor-addicted "lonely man" Leo talked about.
I can live off the stress, beat "first-thing-in-the-morning"
deadlines and work outside of my work description: studying the specialty brand
that wants to become a mainstream success—identifying its USP je ne sais quoi—staring at a blank
page until it emits Big Idea blueprints—producing a sales spike that becomes a
media case study and collecting real advertising awards—imitators from rival
agencies.
Please
let me know if you would like to look at my creative portfolio.
With
best personal regards,
E
The consensus is that E. was/is a writer, which makes this
cover note all the more amusing. Can
anyone tell me what he/she was talking about?
He had me at "the penis-enlarging trendemic in America."
ReplyDeleteMe, too!
DeleteI think this person might have a career writing for The Onion, except that I'm not sure they realize they're being funny.
ReplyDeletesuper curious to know how you replied. best, pk
ReplyDeleteI wrote back, "Dear E: I don't know who you are or what you do and cannot determine what you want from your unintelligible cover letter." He sent me a link to a website where his resume was posted. The site was equally absurd, but I did determine that E was Edward. I simply told him I could not help him.
DeleteLingered too long in the "vodka belt"?
ReplyDeleteIf he wasn't drunk, imagine if he were?
DeleteSounds like a deadbeat bulls**t artist I did some "business" with. Hey, is that you Eric? :)
ReplyDeleteWithout understanding anything he wrote there was a blatant resentment for at least a half dozen professions, industries, and whole classes of people. He is clearly compensating for something. Narcissistic. Yes. Inflated sense of self. Way yes. No surprise here he is looking for a job.
ReplyDelete@Anon: You are absolutely right. His attitude shines through the bad rhetoric.
DeleteThis individual is suffering from some form of mental illness. The ramblings and disjointed ideas are clearly a symptom of schizophrenia.
ReplyDelete