Adventures in Recruiting: A Cover Letter To Make You Laugh

Anyone who receives cover letters knows that there is no such thing as a perfect cover for a resume. Most cover notes don't even get read because screeners go right to the resume to see where the person worked, how long they were there and what they worked on. Those elements determine the eligibility to work at a company or on as specific job. Cover letters, in my opinion, should be short and to the point.  I just received this unsolicited email.  Aside from being too long as to be exhausting, it is so badly written as to have made me laugh out loud.  I think it is amusing enough for you to work through it in its entirety.  It appears verbatim below, but is edited to protect the not so innocent.

"To Whom It May Concern,

I would like to apply for a position as my goal is to further my career in Media and/or Hospitality Marketing, Branding & Management and this position would be an excellent opportunity for me. I am willing to grow into a new position where I can devote a lot of my time and efforts towards.

I have not just spent most of my life pursuing a career in the entertainment industry but I have been surrounded by it my entire life. Having worked numerous jobs in this industry with a heavy focus on marketing and production, I have enabled myself to build my own business, [name and company website]. Though a small company,[company name] is well-positioned within the entertainment industry, via strategic professional relationships with family members whom are former long-term, high-ranking executives at [talent agency name]and current executives {another talent agency] (references furnished upon request). Though I have this company I started, I am needing to learn more and expand my knowledge with new opportunities. With all the projects that I have continued to work on have been extra convenient having a travel agent license which helps in research and booking experience for all types of projects where travel is required. Over the past 15 years I developed several databases with over 250,000 contacts and keep it all up to date.

In the past 2 years, I have been concentrating on developing marketing opportunities with a focus on product placement, licensing, digital distribution, sponsorships, and cross promotions and will continue to expand my efforts as new opportunities develop. With my experience and knowledge, I have established important relationships and have organized databases that will continue to grow as I grow with each opportunity.

In the area of production, I have recently received a Producers credit on the feature film [" name of film"] (2009), produced by [name]. I was responsible for the marketing of this film and am currently working closely with the Director and other Producers....on future projects.

Most recently, I have taken on the management role working with a few musicians, actors as well as other media and entertainment clients. As a manager, I have worked to secure a national campaign deal for a "Back to School" promotion with[company] throughout North America. With this deal, I was able to develop the partnership, negotiate the terms and am leveraging the opportunity to bring increased awareness to my client [name].

In an effort to target a younger audience, I have begun working as a freelance consultant with a company called [name and website] a creative digital content company that produces music, animation and apps for kids. I have been researching and staying on top of new trends that appeal to a younger audience and work with the company CEO to develop marketing platforms that reach their target demographic.

I am strongly invested in the world of entertainment, digital media and hospitality management & marketing and would like to continue to grow in this area.

I would be very appreciative for any and all efforts and have attached a copy of my resume, which more fully details my qualifications for your company. Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Have a great day." 



Phew.  Anyone interested?